Darbie Dear

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Simplifying the Morning for Less Stress

So many of us are looking for ways to make our lives and routines more efficient. I get it! Simplifying the morning routine is a good place to start that journey.

I talk to so many people who feel they do not have enough hours in the day. I’m without a doubt one of those people. It drives me crazy! I feel my weeks are nothing but run, run, run. As I’ve shared, the pace of my life has resulted in a lot of stress and health issues. So, what can we do?

I recently sat down and made a list of my day. It was one of those quiet times, when I was up before anyone else. No one to interrupt me. Let me just say, it was nice! Any who, back to the subject, lists. Making a list of the day, for me is so helpful. In order to see where I could start to experiment with making my day more time efficient, I started with an hour by hour list, from the time I wake up until I go to bed. This opened my eyes to a few places where time wasn’t necessarily being wasted but it just wasn’t being used as well as it could.

Here are some ways I have been able to simplify my routine and maximize time:

  • Combine some tasks. For me, walking on the treadmill and reading my text books. You could sub in watching the news, catch up on podcasts, I have even talked on the phone while on the treadmill or home exercise bike.
  • Do not change when working out. Hear me out on this one. When I am walking on the treadmill and reading my textbook, I cannot walk too fast. However, I can use the incline to challenge myself a bit. I am moving, but I not sweating, so wearing my same jeans and a tee-shirt is ok. However, if you are someone prone to sweating easily, I realize this would not be a great time saver for you.
  • Wear workout clothes to bed. This can help motivate you to get out of bed and start your workout straight away. It’s a time saver and a motivator!
  • Embrace the mini workout. Given to my own devices I would love to devote 1 hour minimum to exercise a day. Currently, I don’t have that. I know you have heard me talk about POPSUGAR’s mini workouts. I can’t tout them enough. If you only have 5, 10, 20, 30 minutes to workout. They have something for you. A little here, a little there really can add up. Plus, your body and mind will thank you. You are doing something for you, and you are important!
  • Breakfast, eat it. Purchase healthy breakfast bars. I wish I was able to indulge in avocado toast or a smoothie bowl for breakfast every day, but often that is not my reality. I am currently loving Kashi Nut Butter bars. They come in several variety, Salted Chocolate Chunk, Coconut Cashew Macaroon, Almond Snicker doodle, and Chocolate Trail Mix (my personal fav). They are gluten-free, low in sugar, about 150 calories, they have real nut butters, real ingredients, and lots of flavor. Pair your breakfast bar with an orange, apple, or another fruit that fits easily in your purse. Now you are out the door and you have a healthy breakfast.
  • Every minute counts and some is better than none. I hate not having a large block of time in order to get reading, bills, or whatever done. But my life does not include that “indulgence”, currently. So, I am learning to embrace the fact that I need to use the 30 minutes here, 15 minutes there, to get things done, such as some bills, some reading, some meal prep, some homework. That some does eventually add up to a whole.
  • Minimize the morning skin care routine. The morning skincare and makeup routine is very important. So many times, the makeup done in the morning is the face that will be seen for the rest of the day. Which makes it important to minimize but do it right.

I highly recommend the Body Shop’s Camomile Sumptuous Cleansing Butter. It has a light, non-greasy feel to it. You simply rub your fingertips over the cleansing butter then apply it to your face, neck, décolleté, anywhere that will need cleansed that morning. Use a warm wash cloth to remove. Viola! Done!

I find my skin is so clean afterward, that when I use a toner, there is no dirt residue on my cotton ball!

Camomile Sumptuous Cleansing Butter

Currently the Body Shop’s online store has a 40% off hundreds of items sale! It’s a great time to try the Camomile Sumptuous Cleansing Butter and maybe a body butter or two!

When it comes to simplifing the morning makeup routine I love Almay’s face palette, The Complete Look. It has eye shadow, blush, and lip color for morning or night. Everything you need all in one convenient place.

I use the palette for light/med skin tone. I was a little skeptical as to how it would work with my skin tone. I love it! The palette colors look great when used on my pale winter/spring skin or my summer tan skin. Plus, everything is right there. No searching. It even has a mirror inside!

Almay the complete look face palette

Almay The Complete Look

One of my favorite aspect of the Almay Complete Look palette is that the lightest color neutralizes my eyelid redness. I tend to have pinkish to reddish tinted eyelids. They always look like I’ve been rubbing them. I have found that the top lightest shade in the palette neutralizes my redness, so I use it every single day! I follow it up by using the middle color on my crease. It is fast and I look well rested within moments.

I know how hard it can be to take some for yourself when you are a super busy individual. Try to find those moments. Find those moments, whether it’s waiting in the car line at your kid’s school, or you arrive a few minutes early to work. Those maybe small moments, but they can be a great time to use the Note’s app on your phone or a scrap piece of paper to start to jot down your day. What does it look like? Which parts are causing you a lot of stress? Where can you start to make changes? Never forget you are important to those around you and yourself. Take the moments you need to help yourself be the healthiest you that you can be. There is only one of you, and you are so important.

 

 

 

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Dietitians, Weight loss, and Pedometers

Dietitians, Pedometers, Weight loss

I met with my dietitian for my 4-week checkup, which was more like an 8+ week checkup since I had to reschedule due to having been ill. However, one part of me was gleeful that I had to reschedule. I was hoping it bought more time to make my weight loss and healthful eating goal more impressive. I guess it’s kind of like when you have a test and then your teacher gives you an extra day to study.

Since my illness had bought me more time, I had hoped to be down a few more pounds by the time I saw Carrie, my dietitian. The day before my appointment arrived and I still weighed 133.8, about the same weight as I was at my last appointment! Ugh! I was racking my brain. I was eating like I should, charting everything, exercising when I could fit it in, walking more….. So frustrating! Then I had an epiphany. Maybe I wasn’t moving as much as I did a year ago, and maybe I wasn’t moving as much as I thought I was. Does that make sense? I grabbed my son’s pedometer, which we had bought for him to use to monitor his heart rate when he runs, and decided to test out my theory.

I turned on my I phone pedometer, downloaded the app that goes along with ToHayie pedometer ,that I borrowed from my son, and started moving. The day before my appointment my device showed that I moved less than 5,000 steps that day, the low goal is 8,000 steps per day! Wow.

I took that knowledge and started to look over some of the ways I had stopped moving as much over the past year. Sitting more while I study, check. My dogs now have a run line, so I no longer walk them for them to use the bathroom. I haven’t been walking to some of the places I use to, because I am short on time, I drive to them instead.

The next day at my appointment Carrie hooked me up to the body composition monitor. It actually had good news for me this time! Even though my weight had not changed, my body fat was 28.5% as opposed to 30% at the previous visit! Down 1.5 %! My hydration was good. My inflammation was down. Carrie even added that the reason the scale wasn’t moving much was that the muscle I was gaining was replacing the fat weight. Hey, I will take it! It felt so good to finally see some results from all the hard work!

The goals for the upcoming month are:

  • Keep working toward 8,000 steps a day
  • Continue to work on getting my inflammation down through diet, exercise, and drinking the turmeric filled Haldi Doodh, also know a Golden Milk.
  • Keeping my stress levels down
  • Drinking 72 oz of water a day
  • Eating gluten free
  • Carrie would like me to not only chart my food but caloric intake this month. She would like to see me eating no more or less than 1350-1450 calories a day.

Current Progress

As I write this, I have been wearing my pedometer and using my phone for about 1 week now. I seem to be averaging under 6,000 steps a day. Yesterday I was able to get in 7,769 steps! Woohoo! I think getting in more and more steps every day is the key to turning this weight loss plateau around. 10-minute mini work outs count, grocery shopping, running the laundry upstairs, they all count. I say this not just for myself but to encourage you too, dear friend. I know I’m not the only one struggling with the frustration of health issues and wanting my pants to fit.

If you are finding yourself baffled at how your weight or health got where it is, I encourage you to chart your food, your exercise, your movements, and anything else that you think might be an influence on your health. It should help you to see some red flags in your behaviors. I know I usually think I am better at eating well or exercising than I really am. Notating my behaviors taught me that.

I know so many of you are super busy too. So, I thought I would share a 10-minute standing abs video from POPSUGAR. I love their fitness section. They have so many mini workouts to choose from! For me, I can often sneak in several mini workouts a day, as opposed to one longer workout. Heck, if you have the time for a longer workout, POPSUGAR has something for you too.

Wishing you all the best!

 

 

 

 

 

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Health and Hiatus, sometimes we need a little help.

Before I blog about anything, I need to apologize for my hiatus! Sorry about that! This blog has not been far from my mind during the break. I have been itching to get back!

I’ve been working on several things while I was away.

The biggest thing I have been working on is my health. I always have thought of myself as a very healthy eater. I like various forms of exercise. I tried to fit in activity every day. However, I know myself to be anxious and a person that stresses a lot! Now that I am in my upper 30’s it turns out that stress can negate all my healthy eating and exercise more easily than before. Grrrreeeeaaat! Another reason to not be thrilled about getting older!

I knew that stress could cause cortisol levels to rise. If cortisol levels become too high you gain weight, specifically in your middle. My doctor explained that the body reacts to high cortisol levels as it does to steroids. She explained further, that when you are stressed for long periods of time, creating high cortisol levels within our bodies for extended time, you can exercise all you want but it will be a challenge to lose any of the weight. The body wants to hold onto it. The stress, cortisol, and excess fat contribute to the erosion of your health.

This was my doctor’s explanation of how I had managed to gain 10 lbs from Thanksgiving to New Year’s all without over indulging in goodies. I had been too busy with school stress, and holiday stress to even eat cookies and yummy rich food during the holidays. Which is a bummer too! I love, love, love holiday cookies!!

At my doctor’s urging I started to see a dietitian in April. I had charted my food, weight, and exercise from January to March. I was doing everything that had every worked for me. Healthier eating, check! Exercise regularly and making sure to change it frequently so as to keep my muscles from becoming bored, check! Weight going down, nope! At that point, I figured what did I have to lose, I made an appointment with my doctor’s recommended dietitian.

My doctor had ordered an extensive blood panel. My blood work came back relatively good; however, my levels of inflammation were too high. My high inflammation levels were putting me at risk for all kind of heart damage, at an early age! Working with my doctor, Carrie ,my dietitian, made a plan that included a total elimination diet, apple cider vinegar shots, sea salt shots, add more fat to my diet such as coconut products, eat more, and exercise when I could fit it in.

Carrie had a hunch that gluten from the occasional bread or pasta could be contributing to my inflammation and stomach issues that I had dealt with for so long. She also wanted me to cut back on stress in any way possible because that was absolutely contributing to my inflammation and possibly stomach problems too. Carrie thought diary could be contributing to my health and digestion problems as well.

I was so excited to start this new health journey! Then came the vinegar shots, sea salt shots for adrenal gland health, and crying over bread. That’s right. I said it. By week 3 on my elimination diet, I literally cried about not being able to eat bread! I must preface, I am not a person that cries. But, dang, you take the bread away and I become someone else!

Was the elimination diet worth it?

Yes, I would say so. We found that my stomach is gluten sensitive. Dairy may affect it a bit but not as much as pasta or cupcakes do! Since cutting gluten out of my diet, my joints feel better, my stomach feels amazing! I have suffered through indigestion of some sort most of my life. I remember becoming aware of it in my teen years. My stomach has bothered me so much that, it is normal for me to carry ginger tea with me everywhere. It was the only thing that would help ease the discomfort! Not anymore! Words can barely express how great it feels to not have daily stomach pain.

The elimination diet also helped me to lose about 5 lbs. That part didn’t surprise me. It’s not unusual to drop some weight when such a drastic diet change is implemented. However, as of July my inflammation levels were still too high. My weight loss had stalled and Carrie found that I had 30 % body fat. She would like to see me at 25%. July was a frustrating visit for both she and I. So, the prescription for July to September is to chart my exercise, my food intake, find several new recipes that will fit into my busy lifestyle, and to buckle down and take my apple cider and sea salt shots regularly. I was honest with her, I caught a cold which got my shot taking regiment off track and it never recovered.

Here we are, it’s mid-August. My vinegar/ sea salt shot regiment is still off. It can be a challenge to work them in because you really need to take them when you have food in your stomach. I am working on making them part of my routine. My food charting is going well. I still need to eat more. This can be a struggle for me because I can be such a grazer. I am making good choices for my body, so that’s a plus! I have lost 2 lbs since my last visit, putting me at 132 lbs. I have made sure I am moving more often. Walking the dogs, walking with the kids to school, doing an exercise video from Popsugar. I am trying to find and make gluten free alternatives for many things. I have found a few recipes that I like and that fit into my busy schedule. Switching my style of baking and cooking is currently the biggest challenge. King Arthur Flour Gluten Free measure for measure flour has come in handy. I have made some banana muffins with it. You would have never guessed they were gluten free! Lee from America is very inspiring. She has some killer food bowls and knowledge. Also, Gluten Free Living’s online magazine is packed full of knowledge, tips, and recipes.

How many pounds do I need to lose to reach the body fat goal?

Another tricky part to this was figuring out how many pounds do I need to lose to be at 25% body fat. Jillian Michael’s website had one of the most understandable calculators. When I did this in mid-July, I knew I had 30% body fat. I convert that to a decimal, .30. then I multiplied my current weight 134 by my body fat, .30 to find how much of that weight was fat. 134 x .30= 40.2 pounds of fat. Next, I had to multiply my weight by my goal fat percentage, 25% or .25. 135 x .25 =33.5. If I am to drop from 30% body fat to 25% then my total body fat of 40.2 pounds would then drop to 33.5 pounds of body fat. So how many pounds do I have to lose? What’s the number I should look for when I am on the scale? Glad you asked. You take 40.2-33.5= 6.7 pounds that I would need to lose. That puts me at a target weight of 127.3 lbs. Which is good, because that’s how much I weighed before the 10 lb. weight gain, and my clothes will fit again! Woohoo! More importantly, I hope that my body will be healthier than it was before.

Have any of you been through something similar with your health? I would love to hear what helped you and what kept you motivated!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Forgiving Yourself

Forgiving yourself for large or small things can feel overwhelming. Much like forgiving someone who has hurt you, forgiving yourself can take time.

I find I am someone who will beat herself up over the slightest thing, like not texting a friend back on time. I also have been working through the guilt of having not spoken with a dear friend for about a year before her untimely death. I should preface neither of us was mad at the another. We were both too busy to play phone tag as well as we could have. Nonetheless, the past year I have spent some time working through forgiving myself for not slowing down and picking up that phone.

My counselor, and most experts, all encourage forgiving yourself. Just as harboring the burden of unforgiveness toward another person can erode our health , so can our inability to forgiving ourselves. To our bodies the burden is the same. Plus, who likes beating themselves up all the time?

Some of the techniques used to help with self-forgiveness are identifying where one may have gone against their moral code or values, then start to act with in those values. Acknowledge that the past is the past. For me, it is also accepting that I did the best I could at the time. Move forward with new knowledge and self-awareness. Practice forgiving yourself and loving yourself like you do others.

For me, I went against how much I believed I valued my friend and our friendship by not calling her as often as I feel I should have. To change that practice, I have started reaching out to friends more often via text. I am still as busy as ever, so are my friends. Texting is still communication and communication actively lets them know that I value them.

Even though I have been going through this process for a while, there are days that I still need to remind myself that the past is the past. I cannot change the fact that we did not talk on the phone for some time. However, I was doing the best I could at that time in my history. I didn’t Facebook often, but when I did, I made sure I communicated with her via her page. The week and day of her death, we communicated over Facebook.

I am moving forward in the new things I have learned about myself and this situation. Going forward I make it appoint to communicate with the people I care about, even if it is by text. Letting others know they are important to me. I remind myself that I am a work in progress and these are the small steps in my journey. Each day and week I try to do better.

Forgiving myself is an active practice. When the gremlin of guilt tries to creep up, I remind myself that I am actively working to do better, I am not going to beat myself up anymore, my friend would not want me too.

Loving myself and giving myself, grace is an important part of this journey. There is a popular scripture that says, “love your neighbor as you love yourself”. There is also “do unto others as you would have them do unto you”. Basically, treat others as you want to be treated. What if you are someone that treats others BETTER than you treat yourself? Then you and I have a lot in common! For people like us, when we are learning to love and care for ourselves, it can be helpful to think of ourselves as the neighbor or our best friends. Speaking to ourselves with the same respect, love, patience, and kindness we would give them. We do this to help build our self-esteem and to help us complete our healing process. It reminds us that we are valued and worth forgiving.

We all screw up. We always will in some way or another. The most important thing is to learn and grow from the experience. Try not to repeat our mistakes again. Forgiving ourselves is one of the big steps in that process.

 

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Growing in the Midst of Life Changes

How do you grow during life changes?

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. I’m getting ever closer to the big 4-0, yikes! For some of us it does make you start to look over your life, where you are, where you are going, your children, relationships, I could go on. Don’t worry, this isn’t going to be about how I am going out and trading in the minivan for a Porsche. This is more about encouraging all of us to become our better selves when faced with change.

I went out for drinks with a good friend last week. I knew this spring had been tough. She is a mom of 3 and her second child was graduating. Despite her being very proud of her eldest for moving out of state with their career, something about her second child graduating was sending her into a tail spin. One she didn’t see coming. Even though she is a mom that feels her duty as a parent is to help guide her children to a path of independent, she was anxious and depressed. It was affecting her marriage and friendships. When she couldn’t figure out why she was feeling depressed and anxious she made an appointment with her counselor. With the help of her counselor she discovered the root of her anxiety and depression was not only due to her impending empty nesting, but she needed to say “No” more often. Also, She and her husband needed to find out who they are now as a couple, without children.

She said it all made sense. “No” was not something she said enough. She genuinely likes to help people but she takes on too much and it starts to fatigue her. So she has started to use her voice and implement boundaries for herself. When she feels guilty, she reminds herself that it is not selfish to practice self care. If she does not take care of herself she cannot be there for herself or her family, let alone friends. Unfortunately, her new-found voice has been met with resistance by some people. They aren’t yet comfortable with her new boundaries. But guess what? That’s OK, because she, her family, and her counselor are comfortable with her boundaries. It is alleviating her anxiety!

Her counselor helped her to see that she and her husband were at a new place in their marriage too. She had been a single mom when they married. They added a child to their family within a year of their marriage. They have never known each other without children! When they dated, she had a child. They did not have the typical dating relationship that so many of us take for granted. In fact, they had not given much thought to their nontraditional courting. However, once the kids were not the large focus of their day, the cracks in their relationship foundation started to show. With her counselor’s help, her husband’s open mind and willingness, they are dating again. They have always prioritized Friday date nights, but these are taking on a whole new meaning. They are in marriage counseling to help them with this new life change. This revelation of not having had the opportunity to experience traditional dating, the inability to know each other without children, was like a Duh moment for them both. For me too when she told me. It all made sense.

For my friend, forming a relationship with her husband where it truly is just the two of them and embracing boundaries is alleviating her depression and anxiety. She is embracing her life change, growing stronger as a person, and experiencing more emotional freedom.

My Aunt is two years into the empty nest faze of life. She and my uncle are adventurous and fun. On a recent visit, she shared that they have tried to do more things together, like spending time in their orchard, hosting dinner parties there, learning a new hobby together like bee keeping. During this conversation she said something that I found to be so poignant. She said that this phase of life is a good time to seize the opportunity of getting to know your partner again. She continued, you can decide to grow together or grow apart.

Life changes can be a time of self discovery, renewal, and revitalization in our relationships.

Maybe we will need outside guidance to see the light in the darkness. We may need someone to help us out of our cocoon. That’s OK! Then there are those of us who will see the path without much guidance, and that’s OK too. I encourage all of us to try to become people that bravely embrace personal change. Personal change can be the opportunity we need to create even better relationships. It can be the push we have wanted to become an even better version of ourselves. Let’s embrace this opportunity to grow.

 

 

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Mental Health Awareness, Depression

May is Mental Health Awareness.

I know this post is coming at the end of the month. Sorry about that. I’ve had some trouble getting the bugs worked out of my blog. I’m choosing to post this, even though it is the end of Mental Health Awareness month, because the topic is so important to me. I’m also posting it because I know so many lives are affected by mental illness, depression in particular.

In 1999 there wasn’t a large awareness of postpartum depression. After the birth of my daughter I didn’t know why I felt empty, sad, depressed. I had a healthy new daughter. I should have felt happy, or so I thought. At my 6-week post pregnancy checkup I shared how I was feeling with my doctor. He suggested I make exercise a priority to help pick up my mood. He hoped the physical activity outside in the fresh air and sunshine would boost my moral. It didn’t. I worked out every day. I took walks every day. It barely helped.

My postpartum depression was compounded by the fact that I lived in a new town. The closest person I had for face to face human interaction was my Grandma, who is a super cool lady btw. I was a young mom and the rest of my friends were far away and finishing up their last year of college. Lucky for me, my Grandma had my daughter and I over at her house most days of the week. She made me feel like I wasn’t “crazy” or a “bad mom” for feeling sad and hopeless all the time. That was helpful. However, for me, it wasn’t enough.

We need to remember this was 1999. We, as a society and I believe to a degree the medical community, didn’t have the same awareness of postpartum depression that we have today. My Grandma and my want to feel “normal” again is what made me keep going back to my physician for 6-month mood checkups. I kept being honest with him about how I was feeling. About 2 years after the birth of my daughter, my Doctor told me of postpartum depression. He thought I might have it. He wondered if I would be open to trying a low dose antidepressant. After exercising for 2 years, trying herbal antidepressants, eating well, and talking with a friend, aka. Grandma, I leapt at the chance to try an antidepressant. I was relieved that my condition had a name and it wasn’t all in my head! I wasn’t a “bad mom” after all! My hormones and chemicals had probably not quit settled after having my daughter! I am person who likes to take medication, but I could not fill that script fast enough.

Less than 30 days later, I felt like my old self again! For me, a low dose antidepressant, for 30 days, turned my life around! I could be the mom I had wanted to be. However, it made me sad then and it makes me sad now, that I lost 2 years of my daughter’s life to depression. I wish we had known sooner…….

The good thing about 2017 is we know so much more about postpartum depression and depressions in general.
I share my story with you to hopefully encourage you. If you don’t feel like yourself, no matter what the circumstances, please talk to someone you trust. Share. Confide. You are NOT alone!

If you live in a new place, where you don’t know anyone, there a places like MHA and NAMI that can help you to find support systems near you. Support can also be a trusted friend. Facetime your friend, call them, text. Please reach out. Your physician can be a place for diagnosis, medication, and referral for counseling services. Please do not discount the effectiveness of counseling and support groups, but I also realize these are not a good fit for everyone. I encourage you, I implore you to reach out to someone. For some that is a group, for others it maybe one on one with the right counselor. The most important thing is knowing that you are not alone! So many people feel the way you do. So many people have felt this way. 350 million people worldwide, in fact. So, no you are not alone.