May is Mental Health Awareness.
I know this post is coming at the end of the month. Sorry about that. I’ve had some trouble getting the bugs worked out of my blog. I’m choosing to post this, even though it is the end of Mental Health Awareness month, because the topic is so important to me. I’m also posting it because I know so many lives are affected by mental illness, depression in particular.
In 1999 there wasn’t a large awareness of postpartum depression. After the birth of my daughter I didn’t know why I felt empty, sad, depressed. I had a healthy new daughter. I should have felt happy, or so I thought. At my 6-week post pregnancy checkup I shared how I was feeling with my doctor. He suggested I make exercise a priority to help pick up my mood. He hoped the physical activity outside in the fresh air and sunshine would boost my moral. It didn’t. I worked out every day. I took walks every day. It barely helped.
My postpartum depression was compounded by the fact that I lived in a new town. The closest person I had for face to face human interaction was my Grandma, who is a super cool lady btw. I was a young mom and the rest of my friends were far away and finishing up their last year of college. Lucky for me, my Grandma had my daughter and I over at her house most days of the week. She made me feel like I wasn’t “crazy” or a “bad mom” for feeling sad and hopeless all the time. That was helpful. However, for me, it wasn’t enough.
We need to remember this was 1999. We, as a society and I believe to a degree the medical community, didn’t have the same awareness of postpartum depression that we have today. My Grandma and my want to feel “normal” again is what made me keep going back to my physician for 6-month mood checkups. I kept being honest with him about how I was feeling. About 2 years after the birth of my daughter, my Doctor told me of postpartum depression. He thought I might have it. He wondered if I would be open to trying a low dose antidepressant. After exercising for 2 years, trying herbal antidepressants, eating well, and talking with a friend, aka. Grandma, I leapt at the chance to try an antidepressant. I was relieved that my condition had a name and it wasn’t all in my head! I wasn’t a “bad mom” after all! My hormones and chemicals had probably not quit settled after having my daughter! I am person who likes to take medication, but I could not fill that script fast enough.
Less than 30 days later, I felt like my old self again! For me, a low dose antidepressant, for 30 days, turned my life around! I could be the mom I had wanted to be. However, it made me sad then and it makes me sad now, that I lost 2 years of my daughter’s life to depression. I wish we had known sooner…….
The good thing about 2017 is we know so much more about postpartum depression and depressions in general.
I share my story with you to hopefully encourage you. If you don’t feel like yourself, no matter what the circumstances, please talk to someone you trust. Share. Confide. You are NOT alone!
If you live in a new place, where you don’t know anyone, there a places like MHA and NAMI that can help you to find support systems near you. Support can also be a trusted friend. Facetime your friend, call them, text. Please reach out. Your physician can be a place for diagnosis, medication, and referral for counseling services. Please do not discount the effectiveness of counseling and support groups, but I also realize these are not a good fit for everyone. I encourage you, I implore you to reach out to someone. For some that is a group, for others it maybe one on one with the right counselor. The most important thing is knowing that you are not alone! So many people feel the way you do. So many people have felt this way. 350 million people worldwide, in fact. So, no you are not alone.